Foompa Foompa Foompa

I used to live in the sandhills of Nebraska, and south of our house, on a hill, was a blowout. A Blowout is an area of ground where a cow trail has been eroded by wind, creating a hole in the hill of nearly pure sand. (picture to the left). 
Went to the blowout in a terrycloth bathrobe, the kind you get in fancy schmancy hotel or spa. I have my hair up in one of those big white towels as well as a face of green mud mask. In the blowout is a hot tub, and across from it is a rain forest. don't ask me why there is a rain forest in the sandhills of Nebraska. It's my dream. just wait.
I soaked down into the hot tub, still in my robe and towel and mask, and over the air I hear the voice of Richard Kiley ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Kiley ), stating:
"The Male Silver-back gorilla has been taken by poachers and sold to the Chicago/Boston zoo. As the Male Silver-back gorilla grew up in this harsh environment...." And here I see a gorilla in a zoo setting, in a huge city. The gorilla is fed through the bars by the zoo's visitors, and the things it is fed are not what you would consider 'quality food'. During this whole schpiel, I am thinking to myself, "WOW! Dad would LOVE this nature show!" And, "Scratchey would be watching this!" 
now, Scratchey was a dear pet, half dachshund, half beagle.  He was two dogs long, half a dog tall, and thought he was a Doberman. He LOVED and I mean LOVED watching nature shows on TV with us, especially monkeys. 
Well, the dream continues, as I say to myself, "Dad and our dog would love to know these fun facts about a male silver-back gorilla"... well, Richard, you sweet old voice-over man, states, "The Male Silver-back gorilla was not taught that thumping his chest was a way to establish dominance in the Zoo. He was taught to use large plastic trash can liners..... " 
AT This point, the gorilla pulls a trash bag from behind his back and has it scooped full of air, and twists closed, making an impromptu 'foompa' balloon. you know the kind that has a rubber band handle that you bounce off your fist.. the kind of toy you used to be able to get in the aisle of a grocery store, and were like trying to blow up a hot water bottle when you wanted to inflate it. 
THEN the gorilla does just that, bounces it back and forth on his fist, "FOOMPA FOOMPA FOOMPA" sending the other gorillas into hiding.
Richard Kiley then states, "The Male Silver-back gorilla has had a bad diet, being taught to only eat items like grape jelly...."
The gorilla, sitting there, looking at the camera, pulls a jar of grape jelly from behind his back, scoops out a fist full of the stuff, then smears it all over his teeth, into his mouth, and around his lips. His face is now sticky and purple, and is grinning like a ninny... foompa foompa foompa. 
"The Male Silver-back gorilla also eats one quarter of a ton of bananas during his time in the Bronx Zoo" says our ever knowledgeable Kiley. 
The gorilla tosses the jar of jelly over his shoulder, then brings out a banana. He peels it, then does the same with the fruit as he did with the jelly, smearing it in his mouth, around his teeth and over his lips and face... foompa foompa foompa.
  I am still laying there, in the hot tub, soaking in hot water, in the sandhills, and I do not really notice that I am not watching TV, but am sitting at the zoo, which is bordering on a rain forest somewhere in Africa. 
wearing a green mud face mask.
spouting the kudos to such a wonderful nature program.
in a hair towel.


"The Male Silver-back gorilla has been taken from its only home its ever known in the Bronx zoo, and returned to the wild jungles of Africa. His mother, the Female Gorilla, is angry that her son has picked up such horrible habits from living in a zoo." Says our wonderful narrator.


OUT of this jungle steps a WOOKIE, wearing an apron, with a bow in her hair, and a rolling pin in one hand. She shakes the rolling pin at the male gorilla, who seems to be chastised by his mother, the wookie, then pulls out that big trash bag, fills it with air, and again, 


FOOMPA FOOMPA FOOMPA




then i woke up.